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Category Archives: school
It really a testing time for parents, when they come to know that their child is a lesbian, bisexual, gay or a transgender. However, broad minded you are, it does come as a shock to most of the parents. Well, understand that it is quite normal to feel that way. Anger, sadness, scare are all valid feelings that are bound to feel as a human. Though, there have been quite a few instances where parents have even felt happy for a reason that their child has opened up to them. In India, also more than in the west, parents find it quite difficult to understand the fact and digest it the same. But, most of parents are more scared about the outside world. Because as a parent they might even accept the fact but they always worry over how the outside world is going to treat their child.
Why go far, Bollywood is known to be an integral part of every Indian family and many Indian films are known to have made mockery of sexuality and characters that are gay. But, Parenting has the power to change things and situations and mold your child to grow up into a confident youth.
Acceptance – Once you come to know of the sexuality of your child, accept it even with a heavy heart but do it. Acceptance is the first step to make your child feel safe and supported inside his house. Talk to them in an age appropriate way and if you have more than one child, do not be bias to the one who is a different sexuality. If you are not comfortable talking to your child find a counsellor or an adult who can do so.
Get Familiar with LGBTQ terms – Never use any offensive language or sensitive LGBTQ terms, however angry you are or whatsoever the reason be. Make them feel that they are equal to other genders in every way.
Build a safety circle – Try to build a community support for your child, so that if ever the child is experiencing bullying issues then they can provide support. It’s like building a circle of safety that includes your reliable friends, relatives and family members.
Discuss about relationships – Tell them that they are not the only one in the world, but there are many like them and they can find friends who understand them and even close friends.
Correct others in front of your child – If others tend to pass negative or derogatory comments against your child, correct them there and then even if it means doing it in front of your child. This will only reinforce that you accept your children the way they are and also teaches them how to tackle these things calms and keeping your cool.
When a couple gets into fights seldom they think about the presence of their child there and how it could affect the mental health of the child adversely. Well, many of them aren’t really aware of this fact and many of the literate are aware and try to be mindful of the same, but fail at times due to their lack to control their emotions at that time. Well, here’s a study which reveals that brawls in a marriage tend to affect your child more adversely than a divorce.
Around 30% of the children who witness parental conflicts at home are said to develop behavioral issues. This includes their emotional and social skills as well as academics. This can carry forward through their adulthood lasting a life time and even through the next generation.
Children of all ages irrespective of age are affected due to the consistent arguments amongst parents. A study has revealed that babies as young as 6 months of age show higher symptoms of physiological distress when subjected to inter parental conflicts. Outside it affects through high levels of hostility, violence, aggression and inside it’s through anxiety, depression, low self-esteem and in severe cases suicidal feelings.
The report of the study was published in 2017, by the Early Intervention Foundation (EIF). It says that unresolved conflict between parents can cause serious harm to child’s early development, mental health and all through life and beyond.
The fascinating part is that this inter parental conflict impacts on the father and child relationship more than mother and child. Though while devising ways to address the issue simply considering parent child relationship would not get you positive outcomes. Even couple relationships need to be taken into account and supported.
Another critical part to teach our children to cope or manage conflict and learn to move on. Well, all parents want best for their children but life is life and marital issues can crop up into your marriage anytime. The idea is to think about the whole family and not just individual life. Communicating with each other and getting external support to resolve issues while giving priority to your child’s well-being is the key.
Also known as positive discipline, gentle parenting abstains from giving away any rewards or punishments to encourage good behavior amongst children.
No Compliments or Rewards
Many parents offer their children rewards for doing things or bribes may be in form of lollipops, TV shows, toys, etc. They even use statements like good girl or good boy. In positive discipline method of parenting, parents need to abstain from the above.
Parents also tend to punish kids on misbehaving or wrongdoing by giving a timeout, smacking, scolding, shouting or yelling at them. Positive parenting is about avoiding this too.
Using positive discipline, the idea is to make children empathetic, calm and capable of controlling themselves. Offering rewards or punishments to children apparently teaches them to behave in certain ways, for the purpose of either avoiding punishment or bagging a reward.
The Gentle Parenting Approach
Positive discipline is about encouraging healthy partnership with children.
- No Commands – The approach involves giving choices to children than commands.
Eg. Do you want to brush your teeth first or wear your pajamas?
- Play way Approach – This involves using play way styles to ask your kids to do stuff
Eg. Let’s play a game of toy arrangement.
- Concentrate on Behavior – Sometimes, parents tend to label a child as naughty, quiet, etc. But, more importantly, it’s about the behavior. You may explain to the child how you feel about something.
Example – I feel frustrated when I have to arrange your clothes and shoes that you throw here and there.
- Negotiate Limits – Negotiating limits can work well with inculcating positive discipline. For example – How many more minutes before we leave the park?
- Have Trust – Trust your child and it applies to the behavior as well. If the child is misbehaving, it may be an indicator of some needs that are not met. Try to read between the lines.
- Parental Timeouts – When angry, the idea is to give yourself a timeout and not the child. Reset yourself and then talk to the child.
- Treat children as Partners – If a child is involved as an equal partner in the family, he or she has that sense of belonging and even develops responsibility. This also means that the parents apologize, if they go wrong somewhere.
- No force – This approach is about avoiding from telling children to say sorry or thank-you. It even means not forcing to hug seniors if the child does not want to and listen to why he/she does not want to meet, hug or talk to the particular elder.
Benefits of Gentle Parenting
The believers in this methodology feel that children who are raised using the positive discipline or gentle parenting style tend to be sensitive to needs of others because their own needs are met, they are respected and treated as equal partners in the family.
Well, there is definitely more effort involved in raising children irrespective of using this method but rewards and punishments are only short terms solutions as per a child behavior management expert. Positive parenting helps children become productive members of the family
With the changing times, the society has changed and more and more women are working hand in hand with the male member of the family. While career is at the forefront for men and women both, it is the women who mostly have to choose between a career and the family even today.
Stay at home mom or working mom? Who is better – This is a never ending debate and every-one has a different say when it comes to what works better for the family. There are many who feel working moms can raise their children better and then there are those who feel stay at home moms raise their children better.
Studies have shown some working women feeling guilty of not being able to give time to their kids due to work priorities. These are women who were raised by stay at home moms and have had experienced good upbringing. Then, there are women who were raised by working mothers and had their share of experiences of living without the mother around throughout the day. Many of them hated being looked after by outsiders while those looked after by an elderly family member like grand-parents had lesser complaints. On the flip side there are women who were raised by working women and are themselves alright working as well. Furthermore, there are stay at home moms, who want their daughters to grow up and pursue their dreams rather than staying at home. Everyone has their own reasons based on their experiences around what is better for good upbringing of kids.
While stay at home mom is definitely able to give more time to the kids, these days even working women get a chance to balance out their home and work because companies are offering more flexibility to women at work which includes maternity leave and work from home facilities. This ways women can raising your kids while being independent and pursuing your dreams. You can also contribute to the income of the household, thus raising the living standards and supporting your family financially.
There is no good or bad, or right or wrong when it comes to making a choice between staying at home because there are a lot of factors that govern these choices besides individual freedom and thinking. It’s your choice whether you want to be there all the time for your kids or you want to work in a flexible working environment which offers sufficient work life balance, enough to give your kids the time they need and deserve.
With the changing times, we humans are becoming more and more selfish and self-centred. Inculcating kindness, care and compassion in kids is becoming challenging than ever. Heavy exposure to media and pampering from parents, is turning kids into harsh and stubborn ones. Well, no parent wants their kids to be unkind as kids or as adults.
So, the question arises – is there a way out of all this?
Yes, there is a way out, but, primarily it is the parent who as the first role model for a kid, needs to display kindness, for them to observe and pick it up.
If we go by statistics, a survey of 10000 students in the age group of middle school and high-school in the USA reveals 80% parents teach their children to concentrate on high achievements and personal happiness above kindness and caring. Off-course, the statistics throw light on the current state of mind of teenagers as well. But, the good news is that things can be brought under control. If you want your kids to turn out to be kind and caring as kids as well as adults, here are some techniques coming to your help straight from Harvard.
Be a Role Model – Even if you are not a perfect parent, you can always be a role model for your kids. If you show kindness to others, your kids will automatically inculcate it. So be kind yourself before teaching them to do so.
Practicing is the Key – Nobody is born kind or perfect, right? It’s you as a parent who needs to instill it by way of practice. Try and give opportunities to your kids to practice acts of kindness like sharing their old toys to poor orphans, taking a juniors homework, to name a few.
Feelings Managment – As a parent you need to tell your kids that getting angry, feel anxious or jealous is quite normal in human beings. Further, you need to help them manage these destructive feelings efficiently, based on their individual personalities. If needed you may seek the help of psychologists in school or outside.
Two Vital Skills – The two vital skills that will help your kids build a wider circle of concern are zoom in and zoom out. Zoom in is about concentrating when others are talking viz. listening to them. While zoom out is looking at the bigger picture and learning to put human experience in that context.
Blame Game – Many parents, try finding faults in their kids and are not ready to introspect themselves around what sort of messages are they actually passing on to their kids. It’s a good idea to question your own behavior and ways first, rather than pointing fingers at your child.
It is not a cake walk definitely, to make your kids understand and instill the behavior of kindness in them, but if you try with full zeal it is quite an achievable feat.
A statistical study of teenagers says that one in five teenagers is bound to undergo depression during his/her teenage times. Well, teenage is a time of life when you are at the peak of your youth and a lot of changes are happening within you physically as well as mentally. One issue which most parents face is a sort of disconnect between the child and them. This could be due to the age difference or bonding issues. Sometimes the child looks absolutely normal but the inside story could be very different. The child might be experiencing depression and pain. Hence, it is important for parents to keep a connect with their child and observe the child closely to find out if their child is actually well or not.
How to figure out whether the child is depressed, is a common question for parents. Here are few tips to help you know whether your child is caught in the depression trap.
Self Esteem Issues– Children suffering from depression might experience intense feelings of unworthiness, ugliness, shame, and failure.
Internet/ Phone Addiction – To distract themselves from depression, children may stay online extensively or may be addicted to mobile phone games. But they themselves aren’t aware that in fact, this addiction could further lead to isolation.
Unacceptable Behavior – Children with depression might exhibit reckless behavior like speeding, unsafe sex, excessive drinking, but to name a few.
Issues at School – Depression can lead to issues like poor attendance in school, feeling aloof, frustration with school-related work, drop in grades and more.
Violence – This issue is more rampant in boys suffering from depression. They turn aggressive, violent and self-harm themselves, besides showing disorders around eating.
Here are a few more symptoms that are common among depressed teens -
1. Feeling sad or hopeless
2. Feeling angry, irritated and hostile
3. Frequent crying
4. Poor performance at school
5. Lack of interest, motivation or enthusiasm
6. Fatigue or low on energy
7. Issues with concentration
8. Detachment from family and friends
9. Aches and pain that cannot be explained
10. Suicidal thoughts
Warning around Suicide
- Google search history showing searches around suicide, death, pills and weapons
- Showing reckless and self-harming behavior
- Speaking about death, suicide even if in a jovial way
- Giving away favorite stuff
- Saying goodbye to loved ones
- Writing poems or stories associated to death
As a parent you observe your child for such behaviors and if you feel that the child is showing any of the alarming signs around suicide act immediately.
Most of the parents, out of love for their kids, buy their kids whatever toy the kids sees and asks for without going into the nitty gritty of it. What I want to convey here is that, many of us do not ensure that the toy is safe for our toddler.
A study carried out by the US Consumer Product Safety Commission made the picture clearer with its startling figures about toy related injuries and deaths in the USA reaching upto a staggaring 240,000. Quite shocking, ain’t it?
Well, the idea is to talk about considering safety of the kids first while buying toys for your toddlers and preschoolers. First and foremost it has to be on mind that it’s a toddler who does have a tendency of mouthing and putting it even in the nose or the ear. So, it’s important to check the size of the toy, the color used and the material as well. The weight of the toy also matters because kids keep throwing toys, and a toy that’s heavy can possibly cause harm.
Here’s a run- down some of the vital points to consider while buying toys for your child
Age appropriate Toys – Toys do have a mention on packs about their suitability to an age group. So, before you buy a toy, do ensure that it is for your toddler’s age.
Be Careful of sharp edges – Toys with sharp edges can be very harmful, so do avoid sharp edges.
Get only Non-toxic ones – Many low-quality toys that you may get very cheap are made of toxic substances and hence it’s advisable to select toys that are made as per international safety standards made for kids.
Magnetic toys – Small toys with detachable magnets is a strict no because they are life threatening in nature. Once swallowed they can cause intestinal blockage and death as well.
Fur toys – Fur toys is also a no for toddlers and even if you buy one ensure that you wash them frequently
Avoid Noisy Toys – Toys that make noise above 100 decibels can be harmful to your kids ears.
Avoid Projectile toys – Projectile toys can be harmful if projected at others and hence it’s better to avoid if you have a naughty toddler at home.
Well, these are only a few of the points to be considered while purchasing toys. Do look for the following safety symbols when choosing toys.
TOY SAFETY SYMBOLS
Well, safety of toddlers is a prime concern and neglecting the same can cost you irreparable damage at times. So, be aware and alert for your kids aren’t.
A study has revealed that over controlling behavior of parents towards their children can affect negatively on their ability to deal with own emotions and behavior. The study brought forth the point about how helicopter parents can hinder the child’s ability to face challenging situations and demands amid years of growing up. These children can have issues dealing with the complex school environment as well.
The researchers studied around 422 children over a period of eight years with assessment at the age of 2, 5 and 10 years of age. The study involved observation and assessment of their emotional as well as social development. During the observation sessions, the researchers asked the parents as well as children to play together like they do at home.
The findings pointed out that parents who were helicopter parenting were guiding their child and instructing them through the play, teaching them how to play with the toy, how to clean after the playtime is over and so on. Some of them were strict and demanding as well. The kids on the other hand reacted in a variety of ways by either showing apathetic attitude, showing frustration or showing a sense of defiance.
The results at various age milestones were different. The result of over- controlling behavior of parents at 2 affected the child’s regulation of emotions and behavior making is adverse by the age of 5 years. Against that, children with good emotional regulation and behavior at 5, showed no issues with emotional regulation and also improved social skills as well as more productivity, by the time kids reached 10. They were also able to manage their impulse in a better way. Children who had mastered the ability to calm down self amid distress situations and to conduct themselves had an easier time adjusting to the difficult demands of the school environment during the preadolescent years.
These results could be of great help to parents because objectives of parents are positive but they are not aware of the hidden consequences, hence if they are made aware of the same it could help them support their kids in the right way. Furthermore, they could use the study to their advantage and help their children learn emotional and behavioral control by understanding them, talking to them one on one and explaining them the consequences around different types of behaviors. They can also help their kids through music, creative activities like drawing and coloring as well as deep breathing that helps the children cope with their emotional distress. Positive coping strategies work really well in child behavioral management.
The parent-teacher association of Vydehi School of Excellence is an active body of the School. Every parent and teacher is a member of the association, as VSE strongly believes that parents and teachers must work together with children to improve the quality of education and life of children.
While many of us love the monsoons, because it’s time of the year when the earth is greener, the air cooler and the tongue eager to hog on hot onion fritters, samosas, jalebis and other street foods. But, it’s also a season that brings along viruses and is especially a worrisome period for parents as they struggle to keep their kids away from viral health conditions as well as waterborne ones.
Stagnant water as we all are aware is a breeding ground for vector-borne diseases. Mosquitoes are carriers of many diseases and this stagnant water is their favorite space, be it water coolers, flower vases, wet dirty clothes, to name a few. Hence, its important take some precautionary measures to avoid these viruses from attacking your kids.
Avoid Water Stagnation – Try to keep your vases, planters and water coolers free from stagnant water and replace water on a regular basis. Also, avoid keeping the clothes wet and dirty. As far as possible keep the areas dry thus giving no chance to mosquitoes to breed.
Mosquito Repellent/ Nets – Additionally, applying mosquito repellants to your kids and even using non-toxic repellants at home can further help in keeping the mosquito menace away. It is advisable that you use mosquito nets while sleeping. Mosquito nets work very best in protecting your kids against mosquitos.
Stay Hydrated – Fighting with the invading virus becomes easier when your child is well hydrated. Hydration helps cleanse the system by flushing out the toxins like bacteria and germs from the body.
Eat Hot and Fresh – Eating out is a strict no in rains, particularly street food because there is a high chance of your child getting sick with typhoid or other diseases that occur due to an intake of contaminated food or water. Hence, give your child healthy home cooked food only and filtered water.
Raincoats/ Umbrella’s – Protect your kids from the rain by always keeping a rain suit or umbrella with them and ask them to wear it on during rains. Getting drenched can lead to common cold and many other health conditions. Also, it’s important to wear proper rainy shoes and skip puddles because they are a home for infectious bacteria.
Well, a few puri’s and fritters here and there is not a bad idea but eat stuff that’s made at home and enjoy the monsoons while being safe and sound.
A pre-kindergarten through Grade XII coeducational day school in Whitefield, Bangalore affiliated to the Central Board of Secondary Education (CBSE).